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“Precious Lord, Take My Hand”
Streaming Audio by Jim Stark
OLD BLUE
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A MOMENT IN THE LIFE OF A CAREGIVER
It was October 29, 2001. Very new at the computer, I was searching the Internet (in “Godspace”) and happened to find the music. I listened first to THE OLD RUGGED CROSS repeating its message of Jesus' love for me. The music joined the words that were embedded in my heart as I listened to the calming mixture of sounds.
Next was Precious Lord, Take My Hand. The emotional expression in these old Gospel songs that I have known since childhood but seldom hear anymore captured my attention and spoke to the very soul in me. The guitar brought back those early memories of home.
I began listening with my physical ears.
Then with my spiritual ears.
The music spoke volumes
To the soul inside me--
The words,
The tones,
The expression.
And it still does!
But first, A STEP BACK:
On August 31, 2001 Ken had returned home from an extended hospital stay. Doctor made a first ever house call next evening.
“If Ken has one more fall and has to be re-admitted to the hospital within the next three weeks,” Doctor insisted, “You will have to make arrangements with a nursing home or other extended health care facility for his care. You should begin that search immediately!”
I was equally determined to keep him home as long as possible where he could have loving personal care. The In Home Care Nurse was scheduled to continue weekly lab work. If it became necessary, I would have an aide come in to help out.
No question about it, there would have to be a few major changes made if I were to, as everyone advised, "Take care of yourself - first!" Ken being home depended entirely on my staying strong and healthy. Nurse helped me explain all this to him - again.Looking ahead to the winter months I decided on my first plan of action. I would need to get rid of Ken's old blue1966 van that hadn't left the drive for seven years.
Being able to park in the warm garage would mean no scraping ice before running errands and might help prevent a possible fall or bone breakage. And bringing in groceries would be a breeze!
The toughest part was clearing out his old beloved van of its varied and sundry rubbish, collections and storage areas. "Old Blue" had driven our children on their newspaper routes for eight years, watched every Little League and Babe Ruth ballgame our son played in. (Every kid in the leagues knew Old Blue!) Blue took daughter to school band, made a gazillion trips to work and back home, hauled decorations to wedding receptions, paintings to exhibits, gravel, trees and shrubs for landscaping our new home (1970), lumber for the new skylight, Maggie to the vet, plus a couple vacations around Lake Michigan.
Old Blue was packed full of fond memories, however, with age it had disintegrated and died and needed to be buried! Ken could not do this, so I must.
Every crevice and cranny was packed with junk and items that might be needed one day by this once upon a time fix anything handyman. There were antique tools my Dad had given him. Good ends of 2 x 4 lumber from a building project. There were old calendars with notes scribbled in for record. Baskets of old curtains someone might use. Rusty, heavy chains. Coils of thick rope. A couple huge tires that might fit something someday. There were bags of wiping rags. Bags of our kids little clothes that didn't sell in rummage. Boxes of advertising goodies to distribute. Items from his little office when the bankrupt corporation doors slammed shut in 1986. There were things that had once belonged to his Dad -- just because. Stacks of tied up magazines from his Mother's final rummage sale -- just because. You get the picture: Old Blue was full of sentiment and valueless treasures!
Emptying the van took two or three hours every morning for two weeks while I knew Ken was still safely tucked in bed. I felt like a sneak and an unfit wife, but I knew our smooth road of retirement had taken a sharp turn and our lives were changed forever. The Lord knew my motives were pure.
I talked to my big brother about finding someone who would haul the van away.
“No! Brother dear, I can't bear the stress and involvement of trying to sell it for $50! “
His friend called. Arrangements were made to pick the van up at 5 A.M. -- so Ken wouldn't see it go!
Getting Old Blue ready for its final trip was ALMOST the most difficult thing I have ever done, both physically and emotionally. A few times, in despair, I sniffled, “Lord, I can’t do this!” But the topper was telling Ken that his beloved Blue had gone to a better place.
"You better go get it back or I will NEVER forgive you for this!!" With his mental and physical decline I decided not to try to explain it all -- again.
I was physically and emotionally drained as I sat down at the computer late that evening, intent upon searching for the patriotic guitar/vocal arrangement I had heard the day before. Since this was very soon after the 9/11 horrifying disaster anything patriotic was new and comforting. My heart still needed to remember the victims’ families.
Then out of the "clear blue cyberspace" I found music! Not the guitar/voice search but Guitar, with Gospel Memories! I sat there motionless, barely breathing the music was so beautiful to me!
There had been times these past couple years of our role reversal, accompanied by roller coaster emotions, that I sometimes wished I could just go back to kindergarten so my Mommy could make all my decisions! Here in front of me – as though dropped right out of “Godspace” – was the old music that my Mommy had taught me to love! The timing made it seem as though she had reached down from heaven with a comforting pat on the hand and a “Honey, you are strong. You can do this! Just put your hand in His and let Him lead you!”
I also felt overwhelmed with the sweetness that Jesus cares about every phase of our life, is there at every turn in the road and is a Friend who is even closer than husband or big brother! No problem is too big or too small for God. Before the first song was half over I was mopping my eyes, hurrying to the next tune.
THE REST OF THE STORY:
Yes! jimsmusic.net would like more pictures for his next tune, Precious Memories. “I don’t know anything about art, but send me a couple and we’ll see what works.” I selected 15 photos of my paintings I thought might be appropriate he could sort through; he used them all! A few weeks later a beautiful CD of Gospel Memories was wearing a cover of my beloved painting with the same title, Precious Memories!
The interaction and learning experiences Online with this unseen Christian music man and computer buff have changed this Caregiver’s days from something tolerable to something actually creative! My computer skills are improving a bit as I attempt different projects and my creative talents are flowing again but in a new direction. God has given me a love for writing, a gift very appropriate for this phase of our journey. My interests are carefully woven into our caregiving schedule for my Ken, and everything fits like a glove.
Yes, I am at home but this Website is providing an outlet for my artwork, as well as my Scribblings, just another tool for staying in touch and for reaching out to give and receive Blessings!
MY PRAYER
I thank You, God
For the privilege of experiencing afresh
Your peace, comfort,
Renewing strength and courage
At the precise moment of greatest need!
I AM BLESSED!
I thank You, God
For permitting the meeting
Of an unknown Believer in “Godspace,”
As he shared his hobby of creating music to Bless others,
I AM BLESSED!
I thank You, God
For this Website -
My little cranny in “Godspace.”
Bless my huge family for their interest,
The many beautiful people
Who respond so positively,
I AM BLESSED!
I thank You, God,
And my Big Brother—
For the luxury of
Parking my car in a warm garage!
I AM BLESSED!
Amen.
mb
11/12/02
October 2004 - To know how Old Blue was rescued from the graveyard and came back to haunt me (click here)!
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